The enemy whispers with spite dripping from his tongue, “Who do you think you are?”The words echo in my soul like an unexpected gunshot. I immediately shrink and hide in my shell.
I started this blog with purpose, enthusiasm, and strength. I could see it growing and encouraging others. And in mere seconds after those words were spoken, I was instantly unsure and weak. Fast forward a couple of months, I hear a catchy song at a concert by Casting Crowns called, “Nobody”. There’s a chorus that says,
“I’m just a nobody, trying to tell everybody, all about somebody, who saved my soul…”
At the time I didn’t think much of how those words could apply to me.
On my first trip in 2020 to Nashville, I decided to listen to a book recommended to me on Audible called, Same Kind of Different as Me. I HIGHLY recommend this book especially the audio version. Anyway, it just so happens that near the end of the book, those exact words from the Casting Crowns song are in the book. It was then that I decided to listen to the song again, and again, and again (what can I say, my autistic self just gets a little fixated and likes repetition). Anyway, in the song it says, “who do you think you are.” That was when I realized what had caused me to stop writing my blog. It was those exact, words.
I suddenly found the response in the song to be pure genius. “I’m just a nobody, trying to tell everybody, all about somebody, who saved my soul.” That is it! My story isn’t great because of me. My story is great because despite all of the trials I have faced, God has always come through. People look at me as if I must be super strong. The truth is, I know I am weak. I fight my battles on my knees. There are two things (just like there are two lenses in binoculars) that in a way define who I am and how I perceive the world around me, my autism and God. No matter what I have faced in life, He is the reason I come out of the fiery furnace without so much as a singed hair. My autism defines me because, I believe, it is exactly how God made me for His greater purpose.